The Life I Was And Is In

30th January, 2007, 21 Century-

  Not a bad day it is. only seems like a few braincells dead the moment i woke up. was totally tired from last night anime rush, but ended up in a loli-land.
    VBScript:Something to do with data editing on the internet as well as manipulation of data. Quite interesting.
    JavaScript:Quite an interesting topic where my comrades are all blowing up the IC’s mind…
Ok enough soldier talk…. bah.
lazy to do anything else today after school.
so went to play soccer with Yazeer (Some nigga i know in class), and a few friends along.
man it was a nice fight…
i was benchwarmer.
sucks.
was selected from black and white.
in the end.
a black guy and an ex-white guy is benchwarmer.
quite a fight in there.
but soon it was my turn to get in.
woopers.
from… like…. 5pm.
we played till 8.
actually only had 2 matches.
wanna know why its soooooo long?
don’t tell you…
j/k.
wahahha.
it was because:

1st Match:
3 goals led by opponent.
2 goals retaken by us.
1 deciding goal in the end.
WE WON.
nice <333

wanna know why?
i let in 2 goals accidentally ;p
i was the keeper.
well not bad for my records…
never play keeper for like, 3 months?
i missed my homies…

2nd Match:
2 Goals by Opponent
1 goal retaken.
but.
last goal.
we fought from like, 6pm till 8.
in between i heard "Last goal" for over 10 times.
but no one scored.
sad.
but it was enjoyable.
nice games dudes.

on the way home, felt kinda…. sticky.
wanna have a nice shower back home <3
but felt something missing…
i always call that person to talk whenever i have something happy to talk about.
at least someone will listen…
and i only call her to have her listen.
forcefully.
wahhahaha.
j/k.
but seems like she’s having a bad day.
well, family situations and such.
i can understand.
i crawled for 10 months, walked for 5 years,  and fooled around for 13 years and 2 months.
who wouldn’t know what happened when someone say:
"My mom’s ********** me" and sorts.
well you see….
i’ve been starved by my mom before.
i was totally angry.
i ignored her, don’t eat dinner, breakfast, lunch or supper.
how long you ask?
1 month.
i managed to survive, via my pocket money.
from 100 bucks to a 1 dollar coin.
sad me.
in the end.
she still cared for me even though she ignored me for so long.
after all that time, wasted due to something small, i only recognised one thing:
my mom’s always worrying.
thats why i try not to anger her anymore…. but i’ll tease her once in a while :p need to keep the sarcasm going <333

same goes for my dad.
i always argued with him none-the-less.
why?
we’re both guys.
in my life time, i’ve only seen him 65% of the time.
he’s a working man.
and he likes to show his temper when mom’s not around.
when i was primary 4, it all started from my grades.
he used  a ping pong bat and beat me up.
its was sad.
nevermind.
next;
he smashed my car collection that costs up to 50 bucks.
totally sad.
then came the huge hazard;
he even started beating up my sister due to small reasons like overboiling a kettle…
he used a belt and started whipping her.
one time i was hungry.
he lemme eat something too.
you know what?
something i hate.
Sea cucumbers.
ugh.
whenever i eat that, i puke.
i forced myself to eat, scared of being beaten if i didn’t.
she was in fear, pain, and tears.
sad days those were.
the same days went by, up till my sec 1 days.

those 2 years, i’ll always remember them, because its unforgettable, and unforgivable.

sec 1, i started retaliation.
father scolds me whenever my mother’s not around.
this time.
i scolded back whatever he threw at me.
one time, because of a computer accident, he scolded me for spoiling it.
but he’s the only person who used it.
he blamed me instead.
luckily mom stood in and said its his own fault.
whew.
avoided one conflict.

next:
i drunk one whole kettle of water.
is that worth scolding?
for my father, it is.
i drunk it, whole.
he asked me how come the kettle’s full of hot water.
i finished up the previous one, thats why i’m boiling a new one.
he say why i finished the previous one.
(that time i was too dumb to think, mind me. when i think now, water is meant for drinking right? :/)
i just plainly sit there.
he then used the heated kettle
to smack my face.
i, being too angered by this action, beated him thrice.
he was in shock.
i know he is.
then we fell quiet…
and a cold war starts and lasts for 6 months.

next: the next beating up of father…
it was a PC incident.
that time, 56k modems are the only source of internet.
i wasn’t aware how much it costed us.
it was totally fucked up.
1k bill for two months.
i didn’t know that time.
was playing Ragnarok Online, so internet consumption is high, but i didn’t care that time.
he scolded me and started to take big actions against me.
it was dinner.
and this scene happens, sad.
i scolded back that its not really my fault.
he threw his pair of chopsticks at me, and started to walk towards me…
sensing danger, i stood up, and push him backwards, and started punching him up…
man.
i still remember the sad scenes.
Mom’s in the middle of both of us.
i was using my fingers to blind my father.
he is trying to strangle me.
in the end, mom got me back into my room where she locked me up.
and there goes the big shot, screaming like a pussy.
"Open up the door! you scared?"
taunting doesn’t work.
worst thing is he even talked to the dog about me being bastard and such.
the next day went fine i think, my memories of sad things is never good.
he even call me Son of a bitch.
i was like "wtf?"
you’re calling my mom a bitch.
but for that, i hecked.

next; The other fight
again! again!
i used the internet again, where the previous incident happened like not even 1 month.
he saw me in his room using his PC.
he was furious.
man i  knew that will happen but still i used the internet >.>
nvm that part.
i called mom telling her my situation… (SOS btw)
then…
(Tip: Being a blackbelt that time, i was in my top form, so i can react to everything that happens… except when that someone kicked my asshole >.>)
he used his belt to beat me, where i caught it midair before it hits me.
i got furious and kept hitting him in the head lotsa times, over and over…
then i stopped.
he was… like… stalled.
dunno how to explain.
then everyone came back home and started to stop the both of us…
he was holding his head in pain.
and then, my mother told me to get ready for my tutor.(i AM still havin a tutor coming over after all that hustle, wtf?)
then my father said i’m the one who broke this family up.
sometimes, he say senseless things.
but i still cried.
but still, its senseless why i cried. maybe i think he’s just being a fag.
afterwards, at night.
my mom woke me up, and tell me to get ready to move out.
where you ask?
simple.
Police Station.
i dunno if a report is written…
but i said all the truth i held inside me.
how i hate my father, how come i got that angry…
then it was settled.
i hated my family for that end.
things changed for no better….
conflicts just kept coming…
this incident happened when i was sec 4.

after i grew up till this stage.
i managed to keep it quiet.

how i got it:
Mom got angry with me when i said something i shouldn’t.
i just try to talk to her many times till she gives up…
if not. i use the hard-to-get method. works well. but i can’t now. don’t feel good at all.

for father’s case:
well this happened not long ago.
we’ve got a new laptop, which i’ve pushed my family to get, because its 3 weeks overdue delivery.
that day, sadly, i accidentally burnt my mom’s hard work; her sauce that she cooked and boiled for over 1 month is burnt by me.
of course, she got angry.
she scolded me.
but, the extra fellow fell into the situation and started scolding too.
he is ALWAYS like this.
simply, i ignored him.
i like saying "Did someone talk to me?" whenever he speaks.
he sometimes just went quiet. i like it <3
then,  when i finished clearing up the mess i made, i started heading to the laptop’s package.
then, that dude came in and tried to snatch from me.
normally after you read my previous story, you’d think i’ll hit him and beat him up.
wrong!
i am wiser now, i just held my position, and mom came in and say she’ll handle it, because its hers.
i tell pops to let go and give it to mom.
he just held it like his own baby. like wtf? something i got so hard to get is now in somebody’s hands. ugh.
along with that, i returned to my PC and do my stuffs… talked to some friends about my situation to let my heat blow off.
that fellow went taunting me as usual:
"Get out here and talk!"
"Don’t be a wussy!"
"You’re being gay."
"you’re like a woman."
"coward. hiding is your only good thing." <— was in my sis’s room using PC, meh
eh, i mean like…
is this something a FATHER should say? even more sad.
but none the less i scolded back…
why i hide?
because i’m clever.
only cockroaches and rats hide.
but still i’m clever enough to avoid conflict.
pfft.
i’m proud of myself.
then, in the end, that asshole never took up the word "It is mom’s" in mind.
he just took the laptop and started to fool with it….
(Tip: It proves i’d rather avoid conflict. Peace for Peace.)
then…. he came into the room and tell me to help him set up the Laptop.
i sadden.
fine fine…………………..
i went out.
and helped set the laptop up.
sure i did.
he scolded me on and on….
i was sooo pissed that i blew.
i started scolding my parents.
i threw my specs on the floor and (luckily, no) almost smashed the laptop.
i blew up totally, and in tears later.
then, i was shocked about what happened.
my father was patting me in the back, that was nice of him.
but, the words that came out….. bah. the comforting words ain’t working. i was actually smiling that time.
i finally seen a good side of my father.
finally.
man.
and then along the cries and shouts, i shouted my undesirable life and such…
that feels good.
i finally managed to calm down…
but one sentence from my father is really good to listen, because its the only sentence only worth listening lol:
"Why do you have to say sorry? If you think you’re not in the wrong, you should stand your ground and never apologize for doing what you think is right."
that was a good one.

but…
man my memories are fluffy.
maybe its not worth talking about anymore.
what i care now is my future life.
i wanna see my parents happy.
my sister find a good husband.
and myself?
i never think about it.
but i wanna live on and see what events of good interest will happen.
i wanna be with her asap…. man i need a HUGE HUG D::::
*despo*
anyways… talk later.
my arms + legs + stomach are all in cram.
BAI!

PS:If ‘you’ are looking at this… hope you learn something from it.