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Not Safe For Work!
If you’re not above 18 or 21 in some countries, DO NOT READ THIS AND CONTINUE!
GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.
Bilbo22: What’s up?
GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.
Bilbo22: Go for it.
GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes
the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she’s
absolutely nuts about it. It’s like a fucking fetish.
GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were
having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about
to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her,
got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected
my fucking semen in it.
Bilbo22: What the fuck?
GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.
Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you’re telling me this shit. I don’t want to hear this.
GuyGuy: It’s important dude, hear me out.
Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.
GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells
me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she
sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can’t have any more sex
until I fill the thing entirely.
GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don’t got that much juice in me,
so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis
felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off
with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.
Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.
GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.
GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser,
sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and
lets it rip.
GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman’s pussy.
Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?
GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.
Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?
GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She’s been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.
GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I’ve got a witness who can testify against her.
GuyGuy: Oh shit, she’s coming out now. If you don’t hear from me in a few days, call the cops!
Bilbo22: I’ll be sure to check under the porch for your body.
