The Life I Was And Is In

http://profile.imeem.com/OQ_Sc7/music/Mz7rFcW9/eufonius_megumeru_cuckool_mix_2007/

I was having a transparent dream
It was a tender eternity
The faint, wind-like voice
Is calling me from the high sky

If I take off while like this
I can go anywhere

Surely, I’ll unreservedly tell you
The words, thoughts, everything
That swayed in the light

I embrace an uncertain feeling
I feel uneasy no matter what
I still don’t know now
But someday, the moment when I’ll reflect in your eyes will come

The world continues on
While I’m gazing at you

If we can see a little future
Within our joined hands
Then c’mon, let’s release our memories
Because there’s a time that connects to
The tip of my straightforward heart

Even on the day of a cold morning
I’ll move forward unhesitatingly
While I turn pain and sorrow
Into my allies

If the atmosphere that illuminates you
Hasn’t disappeared yet
Then wait for me
And quietly look down

If we can see a little future
Within our joined hands
Then the words, thoughts, everything
That swayed in the light-

Surely, I’ll unreservedly tell them
To the distant you

sukitooru yume wo miteita
yawarakai eien
kaze no youna kasuka na koega
takai sora kara
boku wo yonnde iru

kono mama tobi tateba
doko ni datte yukeru

hikari no naka yurameita
kotobamo omoimo zenbu
nokosazu tsutaete kitto

hutashikana kimochi wo idaku
doushitemo huande
imawa mada shiranai keredo
itsuka sonomeni
utsuru toki gakuru

sekai wa tsuzuiteru
kimi wo mezashi nagara

kasaneta teto te no nakani
chiisana mirai ga mietara
kiokuwo sa tokihanatou
massugu na kokoro no sakini
tsunagaru jikan ga arukara

tsumetai asa no himo
mayowazuni susunde yukuyo
itamimo kanashimi mo
mikatani kaenagara
kimi wo terashiteiru
taikiga mada kienai no nara
boku wo matteite
shizukani mioroshite

kasaneta teto te no nakani
chiisana mirai ga mietara
hikari no naka yurameita
kotobamo omoimo zenbu
harukana kimi made
nokosazu tsutaete kitto

Reminds me those days back then when I was still a child, a 16-18 year old boy who thinks about going through day by day, only to get through them without thinking about tomorrow, and things just being the same everyday.
Everytime.
Down the same place.
On the same bus.
On the same train.
In the same class, the same gate.
And seeing the same teacher and friends everyday.

Things just got to be the same, just like clones of yesterday and mirrors of tomorrow.
The present is just nothing in between but just a disillusion in the word. Not in reality.

Everyday lived by as if a dream, and went on like an illusion.
Nothing was changing.
Nothing went the wrong way.
Everyday is just a day that just came and went by, just like the sands in the shores swept by the salty waters of the ocean, drifted away to a further land only to return back within days.

Those days are fabulous, just a long dream without an end point.
Those days in High School, were nothing more than something that I’ve got for granted.
I lived a life without relationships.
Without respect.
Without gratitude.
Without life.
That’s me in the past.

That’s how I was.
I hurt people without thinking.
Starts arguments without thinking.
And fought for nothing.
Those were the days.

The Days I Looked Into The Skies.
Praying That For Once, I Could Reach That High.
Back Into Those Skies You Have Once Flown.

Songs Of The Bird.

I Work My Hands As I Did With My Blades.
My Blades Are My Hands, My Hands As My Blade.
For Years I Fought Without Noticing.
Things I Yearned, Still Regretting.
I’ve Grown Into A Adnormal World.
Unknown To Truth,
Nor Known To Child.
Have Withstood Pain To Make People,
Understood My Philosophy.
Yet, All Were For Naught.
As I Pray…
Sacrifice In Holding.

They said that people reincarnate.
They said that they won’t remember the past as they seal them.
They said they would appear differently.
They said they would look the same somehow.

But in the end, they won’t ever meet their fated ones from the dawn of age until a few millennia later.
Or maybe they never meet again.
Perhaps they’ll appear in a different ’shell’, or maybe just exist for a while before they left for their next life in a few.

I’ve lost her.
I prayed for her re-arrival.

I prayed to see her again.
Something that deems impossible for a mortal like myself to make it happen.
She might be one with the skies now.
For I’m now one with the seas.
Never will I know when Neptune will make me turn into one of his sons, nor will I know when Zeus will stuck me down as a fallen.
For Caelus is always the One I always look at whenever I think about her, Aurora & Hespera is always the only ones to greet me with a bright and darken look.

Shall I or shall I not, lay my life upon death and bury my corpse.
Or shall I live and always sought, the life that I yearn and somethings I’ve thought.
To make myself make up a life of lies, and a life full of lies that I incite.
The skies, ever darkened, welcomes me.
I see death, yes, upon I see.

He holds a scythe, brought with blood.
Eyes ever hollow, a shallow laugh.
Skulls his head was, bones his body.
He wears a black robe, and looks directly at me.
From then on, I fear the skies.
Afraid of height, afraid to die.
From then on my wings has broke.
From then on, I stopped to flown.

Many years passed, many days gone.
I wanted to go back to where I belong.
The skies ever so deep, ever extending.
The unlimited ‘atmosphere’ surrounding all around me.
They’re calling, yes, they yelled out loud.
As loud as their echoes sound.
I hear the winds cry out for me.
I ran, and ran, towards the sea.
The place where we last used to be.

• Weapon: "My ultimate weapon is the China cannon attached to my groin." (Referring to the Senkousha)
• Compose: "The characters should be composed of childhood friends, girls with glasses, robotic maids and sisters."
• Execute: "You executed the mission. Then all I have to do is execute you."
• Income: "He had no income, so he stopped his hunger by
  eating mushrooms which were growing on his underpants in the closet."
  (Referring to Otoko Oidon by Leiji Matsumoto)
• Scare: "The angel who lives on his house scared him because she beat him to death without notice." (Referring to Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan)
• Punish: "Every time the hero wins, the trio is punished by the pig like creature." (Referring to Pokémon (anime))
• Replace: "When I fell down the stairs with my classmate, my body was replaced with her." (Referring to Akane-chan Overdrive)
• Decide: "Let’s decide the supremacy over the earth by the blows of robots."(Referring to G Gundam)
• Embarrass: "The wrong use of the magic equipment often embarrasses the girl in the bathroom when she is taking a bath." (Referring to Doraemon)
• Bet: "When I fell in love with the her, I thought that the
  girl was my stepsister. I bet if I had known she was my real sister, I
  would not have fallen in love with her."

I LOL’D. WHAHHAHA

Somewhat another day went by without a doubt with the previous few days going by like nothing but dashing gust.
Called her many times and made her pissed which I just realized after reading her blog.
Sad me.
I broke down only to be cooled down and chilled by one of my old BMT cabin mate Jeremy Soh.
Man that was the hardest night ever.
And to find out my 1st song IC and good friend to be her friend is kind of a old story, since I knew that long ago, acting blur all the while.
And she too acting like it.
But I didn’t care anyway.
Because I like her that’s why I can’t be ‘honest’ in many sense.

Just a few messages and she got pissed off at me.
Kind of a heart break to me.
I was down.
And I do need someone to talk to.
I see it’s my wrong.
But still something like that said is kind of a huge, huge, huge sadness in my mind.
I can’t think much.
Since I’ve gotten a defaulter parade on Saturday 1430hr and weekends on Duty watch. Fucked up.

I’ve got so many thoughts on my mind.
Happy to see her cute little message saying she’ll spend time with me after her exams.
Now it’s a cold period.
Most probably girls aren’t as good as they used to be.
Yeah, it’s an emo blog.
But it’s somewhat my personal space so mind you.
I only write out what I have in mind at that timeslot and at that period of thinking and emotions I’m having.

I want to try to call her again and again, but hung up only a few seconds after, just to be afraid of being ignored by her more.
I can’t understand what I’m doing anymore.

Anyways, I’ll see to my own feelings after today.
Later.

(This blog is written based on personal modification)

If you’re a girl, I don’t mind.
If you’re calling to teach me, I don’t mind.

 JUST FUCKING DON’T KEEP SMS-ING ME AND CALLING ME THINGS LIKE ‘You sleep so early?’ You know I’m talking about you. How many times must I tell you I’m having exams and I don’t have time to entertain you!

You pissed me off real badly last time when you called EVERYDAY and recently you pissed me off cause you refused to hang up the phone when I said I wanted to study.
YESTERDAY you pissed me off with the repeated missed calls and sms-es.
I can be tolerant but there’s a limit to everything. I’m not obliged to fix my schedule to your wants alright?

When she says fuck, it means all over.